When my daughter was about three, I couldn’t get her to brush her teeth.
She was quick to learn how to brush, but normalizing the behavior as a matter of routine was a big challenge.
We got into twice-daily power struggles that neither of us enjoyed. Ugh!
For advice, I turned to Ms. Susan, my daughter’s preschool teacher.
And Ms. Susan said something that genuinely changed my life:
“You know, we model the behaviors we want to see from our children. Whatever that behavior is, you do it a thousand times, and it may not click until the thousand-and-first time.”
A thousand times!!! 😮
How silly of me to think I could demonstrate toothbrushing a mere few times and expect results!
I needed to extend my vision way beyond this week, this month, this year.
I needed to start parenting in geologic time (almost).
Ms. Susan had opened my eyes to the power of taking the long view.
When brushing the teeth, the point is not to brush the teeth today.
We brush today and every day to model healthy habits that will serve our children throughout their lives.
(In case it’s not obvious, this lesson isn’t just about toothbrushing, but also taking turns, putting away toys, saying please and thank-you, or any other habit you want to instill in your children.)
By taking the long view, you:
- Lower the stakes for each individual interaction.
- Can stay more patient with your child (and yourself) as they learn.
- Reduce power struggles, because the outcome of any one specific instance is less significant.
- Maintain gratitude for this natural (and slow!) developmental process.
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Ms. Susan is legendary, by the way, among Portland parents in Waldorf circles. Having facilitated growth for generations of young children and their parents, Ms. Susan has seen it all — and she is full of wisdom and insights. (And yes, she gave me permission to share this story.)
Thank you, Ms. Susan! My entire family is forever grateful.
Sleep well,
Nora
